Life is moving on, on Barton Heights, so many things to do...We have the garden in, weeds somewhat under control, flowers blooming and a family reunion coming up this weekend.
....I have given you a glimpse of our life with dementia and will sum it up with this blog, as well as I can, with one last story...The doctors had told me early on that at some point in this journey Herb would not recognize me or other family members, but one can never be really prepared for this...Herb did it in his own unique way about a month before he passed away...Rusty had left that morning for a two day volunteer trip...The following I wrote to Bobbi, so I wouldn't forget it...
(Dad and I were sitting in the living room, like any other day, Out of the blue he looked at me and said, “Do I need to compensate you for your time?” I said, WHY? Herb said, “Della must have hired you to take care of me, so i need to pay you"… I said, I’m Della, what are you taking about? Herb, “You look like Della but you're not her, she isn’t here…This went on all day, him explaining things to me, where food is, what time we eat, how “Della” does things…Do I know where to take him for acupuncture, I answer yes, I go there too…”Really, you know Terry?”…As it got closer to his bedtime, he said, “If you go to bed before I do, you can go in the bathroom to change clothes and if I go to bed first, I’ll go into the bedroom and change" (instead of in the middle of the living room, like we usually did.) He was very specific that I wasn’t Della and we would’nt be changing in front of each other…Weirdest day of my life!..Anyway he slept all night again, and i’m getting more sleep (we are sleeping in separate rooms by this time)...I thought maybe “Della" would return this morning, but nope i’m still the hired caregiver, without a name and I have no idea what my pay is…He is still telling me how to do things and surprised that I know so many people that he knows and making sure that I know how to get to Enterprise and do I know where the car keys are because he isn’t allowed to drive or have keys…I take “Della’s” pills, wear her clothes and sometimes when I get a bit bossy, i get more like her….Sometimes Bobi is his sister and Rusty is his brother and Cienna is his niece….I guess its his way of being in charge, I try to see the humor in this whole scenario...
On the third day, we had an appointment to sign our Powers of Attorney, and did so without a glitch, and when we got back in the car, Herb said, " So you're back," and I said "I've always been here." He didn't argue, but after that "the other lady" moved in and out of our life, on occasion.
In closing, Herb passed away peacefully in "Loving Care" in our local hospital, where he spent his last week...He got exceptional care by so many loving people and had amazing doctors, we couldn't have done any better at home...Rest in Peace, never to be forgotten,
our love is forever.
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